The First Three: Far Cry 5/F#$K Polygon

Hello there fellow gamer and people who accidentally clicked onto my blog, hopefully, you clumsy bastards give this article a read through and a like/share. The first three is the first three hours of a video game; a review is based on those three hours. If a game can’t capture your imagination in the first three hours, then it might not be worth it.

I had this haircut when I lived in Koonawarra.

Far Cry® 5_20180327211625

Let’s do this! I apologize for being a bit delayed in reviewing FarCry 5, but I was on a trip to the states to attend a wedding in North Carolina. I participated in a gun range so my experience will add value to this review. Also, I will be taking a massive dump on Polygons review of Far Cry 5 for being so politically driven that because the game doesn’t spend its time lecturing you on gun control and how dangerous that Cheetoh in the white house is that it makes it a bad game.

Chiseled and crazy

Lets set this story up, I promised not to mention the Cheetoh (Trump) but these people seeping into gaming is annoying me and this review was so offensive its forced me to come out swinging. So in the name of all those fence sitters and neutral bastards and bastardettes who are afraid the worlds divisive politics is a bad thing – fuck you Polygon! Games are a form of entertainment, not a political stage. The world is in a strange place and without trying Far Cry draws attention to that – also below is a video of me killing, what look like hipsters and blowing up a statue of what can only be described as Newtown Jesus.

Sorry about the shitty driving

Lets analyze this header quote “any thematic point to be made about religion, the United States or the current state of the nation’s politics is quickly thrown aside” basically, Ubisoft was supposed to bash the Cheetoh and religion in order for this to be great game, there was a cult like this in the eighties and that’s the point of reference for the games theme. In another review of the game the title was “Far Cry 5 doesn’t want to offend anyone, so it will end up annoying everyone” well Mr. Left leaning dude the game did offend you without even trying, by not bashing enough people, you suck, and your ideal date is a blowup doll that looks 13 ya flop (Australian for failure).

Okay, so the game is good, excellent open world with a decent storyline that could have had more villainous villains but failed to capitalize – the main villain could have been more evil, the cult of the 80’s had child molestation and all kind of other nefarious activities. The gunplay is decent, and the recoil is realistic, It will challenge you. Its worth a play and I haven’t had a chance to explore the multiplayer side of things, but it sounds interesting, according to everyone except for Polygon reviewers.


Good graphics, excellent open world, erection giving gunplay and a heap of allies to play with, I always go with the sniper wielding lady and the dog, I like dogs, and I pet him when I am done killing a heap of “peggies”.


The story could have had more oomph to it, then again it is Far Cry, the story is the box that holds inside it the components that make the game fun! So do yourself a favor and have some fun.

Below are the links for the Polygon reviews, also in the coming week I will be writing about my trip to the USA, it will involve big burgers, big guns and even a rapper spotting.



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